tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82106752011-04-21T12:36:52.222-07:00I won't pretend anyone should care what I pour out of my head and into this diary. It's here if someone is that bored but this is mostly just somewhere for me to write it all out since paper can be lost... or found.Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.comBlogger291100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1132646120222090312005-11-21T23:46:00.000-08:002005-11-21T23:55:20.233-08:00

Unrestrained by the confines of flesh, the flames flow through wood and ash like water. Knowing this light and this lightness, my stony heart senses its own weight. Yearning to bond itself to this free movement, soul clings to fire to swim with it through waves of feeling and emotion that had before been determinedly dammed. This flooding swells, building and frothing, crashing against the walls

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1131492426972294192005-11-08T14:44:00.000-08:002005-11-08T15:30:59.016-08:00

Why is sleep such a different world from my waking reality? I've heard it described as the perfect example of complete and total abandon. That couldn't be closer to the truth. Awake, it's impossible for me not to be in control. I try to plan for every possible scenario and tend to go into convulsions when things don't go the way I hoped.Reality is too messy, too clumsy, too awkward, and too

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1129682516890703032005-10-18T17:41:00.000-07:002005-10-18T17:41:56.896-07:00

I love the rain so much... I honestly can't think of a single thing that's better than spinning and skipping and dancing in the rain. Or standing with your arms out and letting it just wash over you. I read Psalm 51 yesterday and was just completely broken-hearted and weepy because everything within me was screaming those same lines. "Have mercy on me..." "Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1126566706961135612005-09-12T16:09:00.000-07:002005-09-12T16:11:46.966-07:00

or Done And Being Done"Because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy." -Hebrews 10:14

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1126192750893865552005-09-08T08:14:00.000-07:002005-09-12T16:14:46.496-07:00

Deep calls to deepin the roar of your waterfalls;all your waves and breakers have swept over me.By day the Lord directs his love,at night his song is with me --a prayer to the God of my life.-Psalm 42:7-8Every good and perfect giftis from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.-James 1:17

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1124520227397238202005-08-19T23:28:00.000-07:002005-08-19T23:43:47.403-07:00

We now interrupt this program to bring your a quick word from our sponsors:Here's a fun game for the utterly bored! Go to Google.com and search for "your-name-here is" in quotes. Feel free to comment with some of your favorite results!"Chelsea is a different breed of presidential daughter." The obligatory Chelsea Clinton connection. I hope my breed is something cool though. Pomeranian, maybe?"

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1124519282112317422005-08-15T02:23:00.000-07:002005-08-19T23:28:02.113-07:00

Twisting and turning, winding the sheets into a serpentine nest only a contortionist could sleep soundly in, I struggle to slip away and escape this failure of a day. My remorseful sobs come up dry and my stony heart sits idly by while the endless chattering in my mind spins miles of rationalizations and soulless strategies to do better instead of true solutions. Every thought just adds to the

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1124518831648064182005-07-25T22:58:00.000-07:002005-08-19T23:20:31.653-07:00

--a line that used to be included in wedding vowsI have no conception of sex or physical love. I've never been touched or held in that way. Clearly, I am no sexual expert. In fact, everything I "know" is a lie, a distortion and mutation of the truth. My conceptions and experiences are entirely self-centered. Many of them are little more than perverse. Every fantasy and scenario revolves around my

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1124517932465418792005-07-23T07:14:00.000-07:002005-08-19T23:05:32.473-07:00

"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speach; night after night they display

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1121358866405169312005-07-14T09:31:00.000-07:002005-07-14T09:41:34.533-07:00

"They love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; they love to be greeted in the marketplaces and to have men call them 'Rabbi.' But you are not to be called 'Rabbi,' for you have only one Master and you are all brothers." Matthew 23:6-8I've denied it continuously, but I do love to hear people admire what I have to say. I go out of my way to gain their

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1116712622490284492005-05-21T14:53:00.000-07:002005-05-21T14:57:02.496-07:00

Coming Soon: Confessions of a PhariseeConfronted with my pride, my arrogance, and my gluttonous appetite for praise and admiration, I search for the privacy that allows me to bruise my knees and dissect my soul without trying to "make it look good." I cannot pray in public or even in private when there's the chance of being overheard because the temptation to put on a mask of spirituality and

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1115014596267409202005-05-01T23:15:00.000-07:002005-05-01T23:16:36.266-07:00

"The experience of absence does not mean the absence of experience. ...The prayer of the poor in spirit can be simply a single word: Abba. Yet that word can signify dynamic interaction." -Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin GospelDaddy....

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1113969693411145272005-04-19T21:00:00.000-07:002005-05-21T16:30:42.883-07:00

YodPsalm 119:73-74Your hands made me and formed me;give me understanding to learn your commands.May those who fear you rejoice when they see me,for I have put my hope in your word.HePsalm 119:33-34Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees;then I will keep them to the end.Give me understanding, and I will keep your lawand obey it with all my heart.WawPsalm 119:41-42May your unfailing love come to

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1111080444772420702005-03-17T03:00:00.000-08:002005-03-17T09:27:24.776-08:00

-lyrics by Mae and my thoughtsI started to ache when I started to think of you. Wondering how long it would take before I step into something new. There’s so much I can fake. There’s only so much that I can prove. Well, do you get it in a minute? I could go play the fool for you.I ache when I think of God and the contrast that He presents to the monotony and ordinary reality of my everyday life.

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1110440885660424962005-03-10T00:45:00.000-08:002005-03-09T23:48:05.663-08:00

Jenny challenged me tonight to give up music for a week, since Chad was saying our only addiction and dependency should be on God. I'm going to do it... starting tomorrow morning. I have to enjoy my new CD for just a little bit longer before I put it away for a week. So, there's just a touch of irony in my having headphones wedged in my ears while I reflect on the benefits of silence.I'm having

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1108799033046305452005-02-19T00:45:00.000-08:002005-02-18T23:49:54.076-08:00

Daddy, thank You so much for Lauren.It feels like she's been with me through every step I've taken, whether I was going forward or backwards. Despite my idiotic isolating thoughts, I would never want to be without her. She is my sister. Even if we should ever be apart, I would even more not want her to be away from You. I want to hit my knees and weep to thank You for drawing her to Your side,

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1108710313901285052005-02-18T00:03:00.000-08:002005-02-17T23:05:13.906-08:00

It's raining outside. Feels like it's raining a little inside too.I want to write something positive. I want to re-explain the place that God has finally filled for me. I want to correct the impression that I seem to have given when I tried to explain it Friday before last. I guess it came out like I felt that I was still missing something, or rather somebody (emphasis on body...). But that

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1104895784319773292005-01-04T20:30:00.000-08:002005-01-04T19:37:26.006-08:00

A Poem By Pete Grieg So this guy comes up to me and says, "What's the vision? What's the big idea?" I open my mouth, and the words come out like this... The vision? The vision is Jesus: obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus. The vision is an army of young people. You see bones? I see an army. And they are free from materialism-- they laugh at 9-5 little prisons. They could eat caviar on

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1102943853885764392004-12-13T05:45:00.000-08:002004-12-13T05:20:01.320-08:00

I planned to wake up at 4 this morning. I finished my book last night and decided that since the next morning was a Monday (beginning of the week and all), there was no better time to "start anew". I knew that at the very least, even if I couldn't pour myself into God's arms, I needed to talk to Him. I was determined enough to set the alarm clock for four-in-the-morning! I should have known God

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1099684220425573582004-12-02T09:45:00.000-08:002004-12-02T08:43:30.220-08:00

- Hermione Granger (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone) I just bought a new book. The Signature of Jesus by Brennan Manning. It is without exception the best book I have ever read so far. And that's saying something because I've read a lot of really great books. And I'm only half-way through it! As I read, I feel a compulsive urge to fall off my chair/bed/rock because I'm just so blown away.

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1098162758496092692004-10-18T22:10:00.000-07:002004-10-18T22:12:38.496-07:00

Sometimes I wish no one read this. I would like to pour out my frustrations and irritations that I have with my friends. I would like to be able to explain why I want to put sarcastic quotation marks around the word friends. I would like to do a little journal therapy on all these feelings and just write them all out so that I could come to a conclusion and a peace at the end of it. But I can't

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1097292819675987392004-10-08T20:35:00.000-07:002004-10-10T14:45:56.823-07:00

I have to get up early tomorrow to go into Scottsdale to take the SAT. I have to be there at 7:45. So instead of going to the football game tonight, I stayed home and watched the Presidential Debate *fanfare plays*. Frankly, it's hardly interesting, the only true highlight being the ASU and Arizona footnote at the end, since that's where the next one takes place. I'm glad I'm 17 this year. If I

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1096832167706173512004-10-03T12:30:00.000-07:002004-10-03T12:36:07.706-07:00

I suppose I should start this with an apology. I promised Lauren I'd update this yesterday but I... and I... Yeah, I forgot. Oops! I'm doing it now though, so I deserve only minor beating. If I do get beaten, it could be horrible, OR it could be enjoyable! Fights, verbal or physical, are exciting in the moment. It gets your blood rushing. My bruises are not a reminder of pain, but a reminder

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1096177406111840892004-09-25T22:43:00.000-07:002004-09-25T22:43:26.110-07:00

Funny how the people we love most are often the ones we hate the most. I know this is a huge rip-off of whoever came up with that "We always hurt the ones we love." thing but stick with me, I'm taking it somewhere else. I don't even think we necessarily hurt the people we love. There are some people I love who I don't think I've ever hurt (I probably have. Come on people! Tell me your how I've

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1095723322742427652004-09-20T16:21:00.000-07:002004-09-20T16:35:22.743-07:00

The shadow is the part of our personality, which is in our background, of which we are usually unaware. It is that part of us which our conscious mind can only accept with difficulty. So the shadow is our angry side, our weakness, our sickness, our primitiveness, our sensuality, our rebelliousness, our inferiority—whatever it may be about ourselves of which we are most afraid and would rather not

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1095714141252316802004-09-20T14:02:00.000-07:002004-09-20T17:09:03.050-07:00

Who knew corn and cows could be so thought provoking? Maybe it's because there's really nothing else to do in Illinois. I'll go more into my general 'IL people vs AZ people' thoughts in a separate post. After all, a day in my life wouldn't be complete without a little introspection. And because I'm extremely self-absorbed, we'll start with the thoughts about me instead of the ones about others.

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1094979608074351272004-09-12T02:00:00.000-07:002004-09-12T02:00:31.773-07:00

There's something seriously wrong with me. Ok, there's a lot of things wrong with me. That phrase up there has lately been tagged onto my annoying sleep adventures... misadventures? But tonight, I've been reflecting on a new, well not new, but a different flaw. I cannot give myself a break. I cannot for the life of me pat myself on the back or be proud of anything I am or do. I wish I could! I

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1094423084626313822004-09-05T15:18:00.000-07:002004-09-13T13:27:08.320-07:00

Like Joel, I occasionally consider myself a contemplative. However, I fear this might be more pride and self-flattery than actual fact. When I read Lewis and Dostoevskey and yes, even Bidderman, I am astounded by their depth and insight and originality. I question my own and curl into my now familiar ball of self-doubt. I like to think myself intelligent and "deep" and perhaps I reassure myself

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8210675.post-1094416664472978032004-09-05T13:29:00.000-07:002004-09-05T13:37:44.473-07:00

As much as I want to write some grand introduction for my first post, I don't really have the time or the brain compacity to do that right now. I gave birth to this beast of a blog now so that I could comment on Joel's far more noteworthy blog. I really should have made my own when I had something interesting to say, but for now, let's just consider it a bit premature, let it incubate for a

Befriendedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15580180824160332353noreply@blogger.com0